Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
