My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just invented taco cereal.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
