Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just want nice things and good sex
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
