I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
