she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
