Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
