I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
