You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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