He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
