i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
