my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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