I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
