no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize