Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
