Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think people are normalizing furries
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize