It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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