dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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