I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
