is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
