Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I still have a little drunk in my system
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
