I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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