im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
