if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
