absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
