He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
