Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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