Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
