I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
