True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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