just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
