After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
