What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
