I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
