I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
two words: eviction party
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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