btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
