so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
