"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
