I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
