my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
