Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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