Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
