you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
