I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
