Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
