Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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