Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
