John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The Olympian is in my bed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
