I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
