Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i think i just lost a toe
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
