just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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