You made me cry and you don't even care
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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