The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
