Non-Jews are for practice
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
