how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
