I wanna passion pit in your ass
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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