dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
