I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
