Your dad touched me again.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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