I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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