I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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