she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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