Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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