I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
