he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
