Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
