The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
