Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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