i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
