i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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