bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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