I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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