is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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