i barfeds in our rink
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
