you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
