there was a trapeze. enough said
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
