she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you win again, gameday.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
