we have pet lesbian snakes
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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