The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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