Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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