I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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