I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
