Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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