god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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