I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
